you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
