Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
