I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
