Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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