You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
