u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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