Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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