sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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