PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
