So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
