i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
