Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
