We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
how does that bad decision feel?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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