Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
