Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
