i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
