have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
