Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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