I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
