I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
