Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
