So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
