I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
