I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize