Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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