Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
