Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
