He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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