My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
