i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
