I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
