shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
