Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If I die, sorry about rent.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
