I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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