I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
