I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
