he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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