She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
