What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
