i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
