I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
