Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
