i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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