tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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