I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
