And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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