I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
