It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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