i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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