That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
