none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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