Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
