i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
