This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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