So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
