In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
