Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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