my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
