Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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