this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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