somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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