I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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