I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
