haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
