we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
