Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
