you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
