I just saw a hot homeless man
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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